Have you ever witnessed the “slow link,” when someone is so bored he starts blinking really slowly, his head becomes the heaviest object in the world, and he almost falls asleep while talking to the other person? Don’t let the person causing the slow blink to be you. If you want to become more interesting […]
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Have you ever witnessed the “slow link,” when someone is so bored he starts blinking really slowly, his head becomes the heaviest object in the world, and he almost falls asleep while talking to the other person? Don’t let the person causing the slow blink to be you.
If you want to become more interesting to people — in business meetings, sales calls, or networking events — there is a simple strategy you can implement. As you look to build your likability, it’s important to become interesting and someone that people want to be around.
The biggest mistake people make is thinking that to become interesting they have to say something interesting. It may sound counter intuitive, but the most interesting people rarely say interesting things. The key to becoming interesting to people is to become interested in them. The less you talk about yourself and the more you put the spotlight on the other person, the more he/she will actually find you interesting and like you in return. The majority of people you do this with will relish the opportunity to talk about themselves, to have someone put the spotlight on them and genuinely listen. When the majority of people are listening, they are not actually listening — they are simply waiting for their turn to talk. They don’t care what the other person is saying and aren’t really interested. Becoming interested in people makes you interesting.
Use the attention-spotlight technique
Now imagine that you are a stage director of a big play and you control the spotlight. You are going to put the spotlight solely on the person with which you are talking. Everything else around the person is black. You are behind the light so you can’t be seen. The spotlight of your attention is solely on this person, not on your phone, not looking around, not checking your watch, but solely on the person.
I want you to be connected to him/her and ask questions, such as: “What is new and exciting in your life?” “What projects are you currently most excited about?” and “What keeps you up at night?” Pay attention to the person’s responses and delve deeper with genuine curiosity.
A friend of mine who is an executive coach told me of an executive client he had who felt he had changed her life. In this life-changing session, the only words he uttered were: “Tell me how you are doing” and then never said another word. He genuinely listened and simply gave this powerful client of his the space to speak. Being allowed to talk, without interruption, led to this game-changing session for his client. He did not interrupt her; he just listened and kept his attention spotlight on her.
By asking open-ended questions, and giving the other person the spotlight, you let the individual you are speaking with direct the conversation. You are not a mind reader; you don’t know what pains or joys this person has and which areas of her life are affected. By asking open-ended questions, you let the person interpret based on what’s most important to her.
An important note about this technique is to avoid inundating people with questions. It’s a conversation, not an interrogation. Make sure to show you are listening by rephrasing the answer in your own words before asking your next question. Utilize active listening techniques like head nodding, saying, “I see,” or “Interesting, tell me more.”
To become more interesting to people, become genuinely more interested in them. Ask questions and listen intently. Keep the attention spotlight on them for the majority of the time. When you increase your likability, you boost the chances of having deep relationships with people. If you increase deep relationships with people, then you raise your chances of success in all areas of your life.
Arel Moodie is the founder of the Art of Likability, which provides research on leveraging likability for business success. He hosts a weekly podcast on his likability research on iTunes that is listened to in over 140 countries. Contact him at www.artoflikability.com, info@artoflikability.com, or (800) 617-9648.